Overcoming Feminine Burnout: How to end the perpetual quest towards being enough

Over 10 years ago, I experienced a severe burnout.

It left me feeling utterly broken, raw, cracked open - hanging on by a very fine thread.

My sense of identity was shattered.

I felt completely empty and simply moving through each day was incredibly challenging. 

I felt lost.

Having followed the traditional blueprint for success and ticked all its required boxes, I had no idea how to move forward differently.

My inner critical voice was relentless and my mind felt like a prison that I couldn’t escape from.

What I know now is that I experienced a severe burnout.

Looking back, I can see that the signs had been punctuating my path and screaming for attention within my body for months, if not years, but it wasn’t until my body ‘pulled the plug’ and said: “no more!” that I finally paused. I no longer had a choice.

My story is so many women’s stories … Perhaps it’s yours too?

Feminine Burnout - a specific kind of exhaustion

In the world that we live in today, it's so easy for women to fall into patterns of overgiving and sacrificing our own needs, wellbeing, energy, and desires in service of others. 

We are naturally conditioned to do so from a young age, expected to be pleasing, appeasing, helpful and nice.

Being a ‘good girl’ becomes our natural way of being, an orientation that continues into adulthood.

In their book ‘Burnout’, Emily and Amelia Nagoski refer to this as ‘The Human Giver Syndrome’ (a term that was initially coined by Dr. Kate Manne).

Unsurprisingly, being a ‘Human Giver’ can lead to a deep-bone exhaustion that many women face: feminine burnout.

Feminine burnout happens when we have been giving beyond our capacity, neglecting our own needs, self-sacrificing and abandoning ourselves for too long.

When we have been feeling chronically under-resourced and overstretched and constantly attuned outwardly to cater to the needs of others.

Often, this is accompanied by feelings of being unseen, under-appreciated for all the hard work and efforts we expand - sometimes even invisible.

The energetic exchange within our life feels off balance.

And our mind, heart, body and soul sorely lack deep and tender holding and nourishment. We feel parched of radiance and aliveness.

It isn’t simply tiredness but a deep exhaustion that engulfs our whole being.

What about me? Is this all there is?

Feminine burnout often leads to a moment of crisis, a turning point, a wake-up call where it becomes clear that we can no longer continue as we always have.

We find ourselves at a crossroads, knowing that the way it’s always been is no longer sustainable, but unsure as to how to move forward.

We look at our life and wonder: “What about me?” , “Is this all there is?”.

These inquiries often lie on a tender soil of unexpressed resentment, anger or even rage… from a lack of feeling appreciated and valued for who we are.

These questions are important signals of an unfulfilled, deeper yearning within us, and a hunger to fulfil it. They are breadcrumbs leading to a doorway into new ways of being and living.

The challenge is that we have often tuned out of ourselves for so long, that we are disconnected from our longings, what lights us up, gives us joy, makes us feel alive. It makes it difficult to articulate our desires, needs, and wants at this point, or to envision what a different way of being and living might look like.

Feminine burnout and the quest towards ‘enoughness’

So what leads us, as women, to sacrifice ourselves to the point of complete depletion?

At the heart of feminine burnout is a core, inner wound.

An unconscious belief that we are not enough, in some way, and a disconnection from our intrinsic worthiness and our right to belong.

Believing that we aren’t enough on some level, we push ourselves relentlessly to prove our enoughness. We get caught up in endless cycles of doing more, overgiving, overachieving, pleasing others and masking our inner wound with a facade of perfectionism.

Ultimately, this leaves us feeling physically exhausted, emotionally drained, and starved of purpose and joy.

Recovering from feminine burnout is a journey of slowing down and returning to wholeness. It's about healing our inner wound, reclaiming our empowered feminine essence, and returning to an intrinsic sense of wholeness, and belonging. 

From quest towards enoughness to journey into wholeness

This regenerative journey invites us to slow down and to be present with the part of ourselves who is hurt, exhausted, depleted. The part who has felt unseen and undervalued for so long.

Imagine turning towards this part of you as you would care for a wounded animal or a small child: with deep tenderness, compassion, and gentleness. Letting go of the need to fix or resolve anything and simply acknowledging and holding this part of you who deeply needs to be seen, held and resourced. 

Healing from feminine burnout means learning to be both the ‘holder’ and the ‘held’. Learning to source the compassion and validation we seek from within and cultivating a deeply rooted sense of enoughness.

It involves allowing the part of us who has done too much, for too long, to rest deeply, to restore her inner foundation, and to release the accumulated stress that her body is carrying. 

It’s an invitation to embrace our embodied wisdom and our feminine essence and to approach life in a way that fulfils our OWN vision of success, and prioritises our wellbeing - rather than following the blueprint that society tells us will lead to the ‘promised land’. 

Reclaiming our empowered feminine essence means embracing our wholeness, recognising that we are enough just as we are.

From this sense of wholeness, enoughness, and inner resourcing, everything shifts.

We can start taking small steps towards change: living, loving, and leading in a way that is unique, self-honouring, and meaningful to us. Crafting the life we desire to live. 

This journey into wholeness is a journey of healing and empowerment: a reclamation of all parts of ourselves, of our life and our unique vision.

At The School of Somatic Leadership for Women, our mission is to contribute to creating a world where women feel seen, valued, and fulfilled—where our needs and desires are honoured, and our unique way of leading is celebrated. These are the journeys we guide women on.

If you feel that you may be slipping into feminine burnout, and would like to explore how we can help you free yourself from these patterns, embrace regenerative ways of being, and reclaim yourself and your life, get in touch here and let’s explore this together.