The Invisible Giver: Why Emotional Exhaustion Comes from More Than Just Doing Too Much

Feb 20

The Deeper Layer Of Exhaustion

We naturally assume that exhaustion comes from doing too much. From overcommitting, overextending, and carrying too much on our plates.

And of course, this absolutely contributes to a sense of feeling physically exhausted and depleted.

But often, there is a deeper layer to our exhaustion, which we may not perceive.

It comes from giving without being met.

Pouring out without being poured into. Offering support without being acknowledged.

It’s the emotional exhaustion of being so reliable and endlessly available that our giving becomes invisible.

This kind of exhaustion is rooted in a lack of reciprocity, and beyond leaving us tired, it leaves us feeling hollow.

Ecosystems Only Thrive When Every Part is Nourished

Nature is built on mutual exchange and interdependence.

A river nourishes the land as it meanders, and in turn, the rains replenish the river.
The soil nourishes the roots, and the roots anchor the land.
The trees release oxygen, and in return, they are sustained by the ecosystem they help to nourish.

Every living system is built on a balance of giving and receiving, it’s a necessity for survival.

And human relationships, workplaces, and communities are no different.

When one part of an ecosystem gives continuously without being replenished, the system begins to break down:

🌿 The river runs dry.
🌿 The soil becomes depleted.
🌿 The roots wither and lose their hold.

The same happens within us. When we give without being met, we become starved of nourishment.

And without feeling replenished, we can no longer nourish the ecosystem we are part of.

The Cost of Being the Invisible Giver

It takes a simple look at the state of our world to notice that ecosystems don’t thrive on endless extraction.

Soil that is repeatedly harvested without periods of rest and renewal becomes unable to sustain life.

When our own inner ecosystem starts running on empty, being under-nourished and lacking nutrients, signs begin to appear too:

Some of the things that may have felt fulfilling in the past start to feel like obligations, ‘shoulds’ that drain us.
We hold everything together, but somehow we feel disconnected from it all.
As we continue to give, something in us feels increasingly unseen, unmet, and unacknowledged.
There is a sense of erosion, a slow and long depletion - perhaps even a feeling of inner aridity.

It isn’t just physical exhaustion. This kind of depletion goes deeper.

It’s a feeling that our own vitality is wearing away.

As if we were experiencing a slow detachment from our own sense of balance, our own rhythms, our own way of being in the world. We lose touch with who we are.

As we get swept up into habitual ways of tending to others without tending to ourselves, we forget that being part of an ecosystem means being nourished, too.

That reciprocity is the very principle that keeps life flourishing.

Reclaiming Reciprocity: How to Give Without Depleting Ourselves

Nature is often our greatest teacher, and observing it regenerate itself over and over again shows us that regeneration is possible for us too when we can re-establish a balance within our inner ecology.

So how can we reorient towards giving in a way that nourishes rather than drains, and prevent emotional exhaustion?

1. Stay Inside Yourself as You Give

Giving doesn’t have to mean abandoning ourselves.

Often our immediate instinct when we sense someone else’s needs is to mobilise towards meeting them.

But not every call for support is ours to answer.
Not every need requires us to step in.

Learning to stay anchored in our own body, our own limits, our own energy is vital.

Giving space for others to meet their own needs isn’t just regenerative for us, it teaches them to build their own capacity, too.

2. Give from Overflow, Not Obligation

Reciprocity means giving in a way that is sustainable, intentional, and attuned to our own wellbeing.

Most of us know that giving from depletion leads to resentment.

But often, we feel torn between what we’ve been conditioned to believe is our role and a quiet, simmering voice that asks:

"What about me?"

The energy from which we give is the clue as to whether we are overgiving and ignoring our needs or giving from an overflowing cup:

🌿 Does it feel expansive, loving, and natural?
🌿 Or does it feel contracted, heavy, or frustrating?

The latter might be an invitation to pull back and meet our own needs first.

A simple pause before saying yes or following our natural impulse to give can reveal whether we are giving from fullness or depletion.

3. Notice Where You Are Not Being Met

Consider:

🌿 Where in your life might you be giving out of habit rather than choice?
🌿 Where have your efforts become expected rather than appreciated?
🌿 Where might the nourishment of your ecosystem be lacking?

Notice these as an invitation to reflect on the imbalances in your ecosystem.

This is an opportunity to reclaim sovereignty and decide what needs to shift for you to feel nourished in your giving.

4. Reclaim the Space Where You Vanished

If you feel like the invisible giver, the question isn’t:

"How can I keep going when I already feel exhausted?"

But rather:

"How do I return to myself?"

🌿Sometimes, it means asking for what you need.
🌿Sometimes, it means letting something go.
🌿Sometimes, it means choosing not to step in, even when you know you could.

We often think we need permission from others to reclaim space, but restoring balance starts with reconnecting with our body and sensing our needs.

It begins with reclaiming sovereignty: expressing our needs, desires, choices, and laying down boundaries, both with ourselves and with others.

5. Learning The Skill Of Receptivity

Reciprocity means that there is a balanced and sustainable exchange.

It isn’t just about ensuring that energy is being returned in some way, it also means bringing online our ability and capacity to more fully receive the nourishment and support that is available to us.

Giving and receiving aren’t opposites, they are part of the same cycle.

For many women (myself included) receiving can feel deeply unfamiliar and uncomfortable and receptivity is a skill that might require practice.

It could mean:

Allowing ourselves to be supported, rather than always being the invisible supporter.
Receiving help when it’s offered rather than skilfully turning it away and believing that we have to do it all alone.
Allowing appreciation, care, and nourishment in, without justifying or deflecting it.
Trusting that receiving does not make us weak but is the foundation for a flourishing ecosystem.

The health of an ecosystem relies on interdependence.

And we are no different.

An Invitation To Reflect

If this resonates with you, here are a few reflections you might like to consider:

Where in your life are you giving in ways that deplete rather than nourish you?
Where are you part of an ecosystem that is overly dependent on you?
What would it look like to restore a sense of reciprocity?
What support may become available if you expressed your needs?

What would it feel like to release the identity of the ‘invisible giver’, and to regain a sense of Sovereignty through nourishment, interdependence and receptivity?

If you feel like you might be an invisible giver and you would like us to explore together how somatic coaching might support you to reclaim more sovereignty, simply schedule a discovery call in my diary here - we will discuss where you are, what you desire to create in your life and of course, I can answer any question you have.